I TOO (11.21.08)

I died last summer, submerged in my thoughts

Longing to stay connected with a soul I could no longer call my own

Disgusted with the disillusioned mist of reality

I vowed to never let another get so close to me

I sat back and laughed at the thought of others love

As they labeled each other as “sent from above”

I found amusement of those meaningless words

Because they should have labeled each other “endless misery”

……….Yet I too searched for love………

I died last summer, not shedding one ounce of ink

My passion for her died along with me

As every drip of emotion slowly leaked from soul

I couldn’t stand the thought of other’s happiness

It filled me with spite and dismay

So I closed off all ties with humanity

My heart used to flutter at the “three worded phrase of death” she would say

I dreaded the thought of being forced to live another day

……….Yet I too searched for love………

I died last summer, choked from the lack of serenity

I frowned upon the couples’ laughter

As they endlessly gazed at one another

I envisioned them hanging over the threshold of defeat

I dreamed that they too would suffer along with me

Disappointed with their hearts approval

They constantly and childishly pranced upon each other

How I longed to pierce their souls with bullets of impersonal gazes

……….Yet I too searched for love………

Last summer I died, left hanging by my heart

Lifeless eyes impossible to revive

I pushed away those who wanted to be connected

Closeness was no longer a word in my vocabulary

Destroyed and full of destruction

I pitied those who lived for one another

Falling as if that was all there was to life

Devising plans to kill them and make them equivalent to I

……….Yet I too searched for love………

Last summer I died, suffered from emotional deprivation

Diagnosed with a mental illness…lack of cerebral compensation

I’m not really sure if there is a category for what has been created of me

Why I enjoy seeing others fall victim to my inward thoughts of insanity

What they long for in life has been the painfully slow death of me

Could this be why I long for them do die just as devastatingly?

Love is so persuasive, critical, and disdained

Yet it is what makes us all different, buy exactly the same

……….Because I too searched for love………