WHY SHOULD I... (11.20.08)

Why should I swallow my pride?

Because it bothers the person I sit beside?

You look

No you stare

No…….

You glare at me with your nose turned to the air

As if to faze me

But I refuse to run and hide in despair

So that’s a HA! To you

And an even more immense HA! To you

Your heartless persuasion and cynical ways

Aint shit to what I’ve endured during my days

You have made a juvenile attempt

To deplete me of every ounce of passion I have

Yet here I am

Laughing at your ass

So I ask you this

Why should I swallow my pride?

Because it bothers the person I walk beside?

You despise

No you abhor

No…..

You HATE what I can create myself to be

As if to deconstruct my being

But I refuse to fall victim to the Stereotypical ME

So that’s a HA! To you

And a massive HA! To you

You say someone of my nature will NEVER make it

You even go on to say how I’m a waste of life

And to your dismay I breathe extensively

You’ve made an effort to break me down

Yet here I stand

Making a spectacle of your ass

So again I ask you this

Why should I swallow my pride?

Because I refuse to be with the sex I was supposedly created to sleep beside?

You speculate

No you question

No……..

You demand that I don’t put a ring on her hand

Land of the free?

What does that mean?

If I cannot FREELY love she who contains the same characteristics as me

So I guess that’s supposed to be a HA! From you

And a bitch slap in the face from you

You’re founded on a constitution of equality

Yet you discriminate so openly

With your picket signs and ignorant rhymes

Yet she and I are committed

Morally killing your ass

So again I ask you this

Why should I swallow my pride?

Because of who I am and my refusal to hide?

You know

No you think

No…….

You swear on the universe that I’m wrong

As if your way is right

Searching for a reason to justify the means

But you just can’t find a way to diminish me

So that’s a HA! To you

And an even superior HA! To you

You hear me but you try so hard not listen

Because you say my opinion doesn’t matter

Hmmmm… But still I write…. And still you read

Now you’re pissed off because I have the authority to make you pay attention to me

So here I am

Still laughing at your ass

So I ask you this once more

Why

Should I

Swallow

My Pride?

THE STORY OF A GIRL (11.18.08)

Let autumn kiss her good night

And winter put her to sleep

As the breeze tell her a story

The summer was so good to her

But she longed to fall

She dreamed of a subtle September

That would wound her down from the excitement of August

She wanted to kiss the shores goodnight before the evening chill

And say her farewells to the waves before their temperatures fell

Let autumn kiss her goodnight

And winter put her to sleep

As the breeze tell her a story

She no longer wanted to run in the still air of July

She wanted so much to be noticed

To never again be discerned by the loneliness of self

She longed to wake up with the morning dew

And stroll with the winds of October

Let autumn kiss her goodnight

And winter put her to sleep

As the breeze tell her a story

She could no longer bare the bitter kisses of June

For they no longer satisfied her soul

She was ready to commit to the first frost

To forget the hardships of the spring

And let go of everything she has lost

She was more than anxious to belong

Because she lived to be a part

So she used November as a running start

So she could reach her love

For December held her heart 

SHE'S SPEAKING TO ME....AGAIN (11.14.08)

She played my favorite track…. Her heartbeat

And put it on repeat so it could continuously sing to me

She speaks to me and my heart beats

Her words kissed my soul

Opened my eyes

She breathes her chorus into me

Bring me to life

I’m revived

She sings and my spirit jumps

I never felt so alive

She played my favorite track…. Her heart beat

And put it on repeat so it would continuously sing to me

Her words are still ringing in my ear

Crystal clear

She pulled me apart

As she strummed my heart

Playing on my emotions like the strings on her guitar

I closed my eyes as the rhythm of her song took over my mind

In tune with her instrumental so divine

Falling in love as my rhythm and her beat combine

She played my favorite track…. Her heart beat

And put it on repeat so it could continuously sing to me

Her eyes danced on my thoughts as if they were fingers on a piano

Losing myself in her subliminal melodies

I laid there stationary as she moved me deeply

Encrypting her love within me

She’s creating herself in my being

Claiming me prisoner to her heart

Entrapping me in a lackadaisical daze

As I fell victim to her enchanting gaze

She played my favorite track…. Her heartbeat

And put it on repeat so it could continuously sing to me

She created a soundtrack of my life

With just one beat

It consists of one track

Her heart beat

And she put it on repeat

So it could continuously sing…..

To me

LOVE..LIFE... THE REALITY OF ME (11.21.08)

It’s more than just a wave

It’s a sea of emotions that clashes against the shores of my heart

Each time it recedes

It takes with it a piece of me

My spirit

My soul

My heart

My mind is eroding away with my fantasies

Becoming a victim of life’s reality

I want to Flee from this hell

And revert back to my childish dreams

I have watched my love welter

What was once a solid rock

Has been reduced to nothing more than sand

So light, so delicate, beautiful

Yet it’s nothing more than a useless dust

Mere fragments blown away with the wind

Where did it go and who did it reach

Will it ever return to once again  become a part of me

When will I find peace

A peace that will belong only to me

Drop a coin in the in the well and wish my life away

Wish it away to all the heart ache and pain that will be brought my way

Through the hope filled wishing of falling

I wish to fall hard…. Harder than usual

Only to fail at falling at all

I TOO (11.21.08)

I died last summer, submerged in my thoughts

Longing to stay connected with a soul I could no longer call my own

Disgusted with the disillusioned mist of reality

I vowed to never let another get so close to me

I sat back and laughed at the thought of others love

As they labeled each other as “sent from above”

I found amusement of those meaningless words

Because they should have labeled each other “endless misery”

……….Yet I too searched for love………

I died last summer, not shedding one ounce of ink

My passion for her died along with me

As every drip of emotion slowly leaked from soul

I couldn’t stand the thought of other’s happiness

It filled me with spite and dismay

So I closed off all ties with humanity

My heart used to flutter at the “three worded phrase of death” she would say

I dreaded the thought of being forced to live another day

……….Yet I too searched for love………

I died last summer, choked from the lack of serenity

I frowned upon the couples’ laughter

As they endlessly gazed at one another

I envisioned them hanging over the threshold of defeat

I dreamed that they too would suffer along with me

Disappointed with their hearts approval

They constantly and childishly pranced upon each other

How I longed to pierce their souls with bullets of impersonal gazes

……….Yet I too searched for love………

Last summer I died, left hanging by my heart

Lifeless eyes impossible to revive

I pushed away those who wanted to be connected

Closeness was no longer a word in my vocabulary

Destroyed and full of destruction

I pitied those who lived for one another

Falling as if that was all there was to life

Devising plans to kill them and make them equivalent to I

……….Yet I too searched for love………

Last summer I died, suffered from emotional deprivation

Diagnosed with a mental illness…lack of cerebral compensation

I’m not really sure if there is a category for what has been created of me

Why I enjoy seeing others fall victim to my inward thoughts of insanity

What they long for in life has been the painfully slow death of me

Could this be why I long for them do die just as devastatingly?

Love is so persuasive, critical, and disdained

Yet it is what makes us all different, buy exactly the same

……….Because I too searched for love………

DRUNKEN HIGHS & SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I indulge in drunken highs and sleepless nights
As I intoxicate myself with thoughts of you.
I can’t seem to stay sober as I float in your eyes
I reach out a hand to touch your mind for a cognitive fix
To fix this hole in my frontal lobe to once again become intellectually whole
I constantly inject my brain with visions of you,
I twitch and tweak….. Mentally fiending for my cerebral equal
That is strategically calculated to equal all of that which is you

I indulge in drunken highs and sleepless nights
As I intoxicate myself with feelings for you
I can’t seem to stay sober as I drown in your heart
I’m fully aware with no emotions impaired
As you pour your heart into my cup
I drink heavily, tasting every drop
Shot after shot you seep inside... dilating eyes
Loosening tight lips, and sealed passions... Concealed by timid compassions

I indulge in drunken highs and sleepless nights
As I intoxicate myself with …. You
I can’t seem to stay sober as I swim through your soul
With each puff and sip you draw me closer… to let me know
Informing me that you will forever be in my system
As I systematically roll blunts of your tree,
Pouring you into cups, taking shots, and mixing drinks
I’m on an intellectual flight for eternity
Riding clouds and drinking of your love blissfully


I indulge in drunken highs and sleepless nights
As I intoxicate myself with...Thoughts.. with.. Feelings
With..... You