I remember him just as he was
…..Always in his garden
I would sometimes help him pick tomatoes and carrots simply for the enjoyment of spending time with him
His hat was dingy….. stainded with years of corn and cotton fields
His overalls, bleached with the decades of experience
And I enjoyed hearing their songs as I trotted behind my gradfather in his garden
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
DEAR YOU.. YEAH YOU TOO (04.18.10)
Dear you,
You solicit my thoughts with your verbal walk. Your explicit talk spits at my heart and eats through it like acid leaving remnants of my emotions placid. Ink blots on my sheets take on the form of tears that leak from a broken spirit that weeps and seeks revenge within a pen that lets ink seep on to the pages of your face. Your black eyes glare at me and I stare emitting my rage on to your lines so I can violate your life.
You claim you dont play games but your the reigning champion. You run races throughout my mind taking pit stops in my heart. I numbly wave the checkered flag as you drag out your final lap and I wonder how much longer will this last... Why wont you just pack up and depart.. erase the mark that you have carved in my soul.
Bestowed upon my soul is a curse that constantly lets me know that you have let go and the pain continues to grow critically as i close my eys and see you bitterly
Im normally not the type who points fingers, but when your poisoned kiss still lingers it makes it hard for me to think clearly.. My mind is telling me to go sometimes when my heart says "NO"... And and then my heart switches up and says " put it all on the frontline" while my mind says "fall behind"
Every now and then I slip through the cracks I checked into rehab so I could no longer intoxicate myself with you but relapsed "Indulging in Drunken Highs and Sleepless Nights" making my way to the bottom of liquor bottles in search of you every night. I inwardly fight daily for a way out but I cant seem to recover from your last clout that left me scribbling for life in the ICU because I foolishly decided to intensively care for you
My spirit's taking me through lyrical therapy... making records mentally I gradually get you out of my system manually, Writing vengefully with out wishful thinking but with enraged truths. The facts about the me's and the you's, The fact that me and you are now spitefully connected forcing me to see your truth's full of shit and it makes me long... long to kiss and blow kisses with my fist... to make your heart beat with a lisp because you put mine on crutches and now i love with a limp from a permanent emotional dent...
Your name was the song of my heart topping the charts but now your tune seldomly plays becoming a one hit wonder. Memories of your voice cracks with static through the speakers of my soul... So... I closed my eyes and changed the station to 99. Peace of Mind because I'd rather cut the line than you string me along like wasted lines in a forgotten love song
And I will go one with my life as if you never existed and forget about love becuase I'll never miss it. I'm putting my feelings aside for the sake of my pride.. no more getting inside through a glimpse of my eyes... Emotions on a shelf.... Everything else.... Im keeping to myself.
You solicit my thoughts with your verbal walk. Your explicit talk spits at my heart and eats through it like acid leaving remnants of my emotions placid. Ink blots on my sheets take on the form of tears that leak from a broken spirit that weeps and seeks revenge within a pen that lets ink seep on to the pages of your face. Your black eyes glare at me and I stare emitting my rage on to your lines so I can violate your life.
You claim you dont play games but your the reigning champion. You run races throughout my mind taking pit stops in my heart. I numbly wave the checkered flag as you drag out your final lap and I wonder how much longer will this last... Why wont you just pack up and depart.. erase the mark that you have carved in my soul.
Bestowed upon my soul is a curse that constantly lets me know that you have let go and the pain continues to grow critically as i close my eys and see you bitterly
Im normally not the type who points fingers, but when your poisoned kiss still lingers it makes it hard for me to think clearly.. My mind is telling me to go sometimes when my heart says "NO"... And and then my heart switches up and says " put it all on the frontline" while my mind says "fall behind"
Every now and then I slip through the cracks I checked into rehab so I could no longer intoxicate myself with you but relapsed "Indulging in Drunken Highs and Sleepless Nights" making my way to the bottom of liquor bottles in search of you every night. I inwardly fight daily for a way out but I cant seem to recover from your last clout that left me scribbling for life in the ICU because I foolishly decided to intensively care for you
My spirit's taking me through lyrical therapy... making records mentally I gradually get you out of my system manually, Writing vengefully with out wishful thinking but with enraged truths. The facts about the me's and the you's, The fact that me and you are now spitefully connected forcing me to see your truth's full of shit and it makes me long... long to kiss and blow kisses with my fist... to make your heart beat with a lisp because you put mine on crutches and now i love with a limp from a permanent emotional dent...
Your name was the song of my heart topping the charts but now your tune seldomly plays becoming a one hit wonder. Memories of your voice cracks with static through the speakers of my soul... So... I closed my eyes and changed the station to 99. Peace of Mind because I'd rather cut the line than you string me along like wasted lines in a forgotten love song
And I will go one with my life as if you never existed and forget about love becuase I'll never miss it. I'm putting my feelings aside for the sake of my pride.. no more getting inside through a glimpse of my eyes... Emotions on a shelf.... Everything else.... Im keeping to myself.
Friday, April 16, 2010
A LETTER TO MY FORMER LOVE (4.15.10)
Dear you,
I can no longer address you as love because I no longer know you as such. To clear any obscurities, I am not writing this for you, but merely to you as a way to forget you and rid you of my thoughts. You have invaded my thoughts, and yes.... yes I do feel violated this time. Why? Because you are indeed trespassing and you ARE NOT welcomed here any longer. You have breached my frontal lobe making your way to my hippocampus... leaking... seeping into my already poisoned blood stream making it 11 times as deadly. My blood has become the venom that's spoken from the serpants tongue and has lead to the destruction of mankind.
Why?... Why must I ask you this question? It is because I must ask you why.... Why so? Because like many others I too wonder how a once beloved soul can instantly turn cold falling below the freezing point and exceeding the mark of death. You have turned so cold to the point that it burns... Burns deep into my soul, engulfing me in flames.. making me the flame that can now point you towards the direction of hell. Accented with the touch of Hades, you have been marked with three sixes attaching you to his soul... and for that I-- I-- I'm forced to let you go.. Go and wander into lands unknown, although I know where each land ends without a turning point, turning into the destruction of who I knew as the true and pure you.
I must say however, that i do not feel the slightest sympathy nor the faintest sign of compassion for you, but i do wish you the best of luck ... at falling on your face.. heart first. I bitterly speak as a means to to release your childish defeat of an honest me. I have you know that I am indeed writing with a vengeful pen, but by the end of this letter, perhaps I will have let you go and regain control of who I really am. I can no longer accept the truth spoken from future lips because you reveal yourself in each line with every word. I can no longer give, think, or love whole heartedly. I think of you faintly and suddenly the world stops spinning... freezing time as I happily yet relucntantly erase you from my life.
I must admit, I am insulted for having a juvenile mindset. I dared to think.... I had the audacity to hope... to hope that things would not happen eventhough i knew they would. Although, I was never too blind to see what has come of you because it was visible all along.... I do however, suppose I was too naive to believe that you were never who you put on display for me. I now see however, that the truth is indeed an ugly thing to see... especially when its spoken through the lips of such a beautiful liar.... and with that said...Goodbye.
P.S. By the way Miss.... Your poor lack of judgement is showing... Just thought you should know.
I can no longer address you as love because I no longer know you as such. To clear any obscurities, I am not writing this for you, but merely to you as a way to forget you and rid you of my thoughts. You have invaded my thoughts, and yes.... yes I do feel violated this time. Why? Because you are indeed trespassing and you ARE NOT welcomed here any longer. You have breached my frontal lobe making your way to my hippocampus... leaking... seeping into my already poisoned blood stream making it 11 times as deadly. My blood has become the venom that's spoken from the serpants tongue and has lead to the destruction of mankind.
Why?... Why must I ask you this question? It is because I must ask you why.... Why so? Because like many others I too wonder how a once beloved soul can instantly turn cold falling below the freezing point and exceeding the mark of death. You have turned so cold to the point that it burns... Burns deep into my soul, engulfing me in flames.. making me the flame that can now point you towards the direction of hell. Accented with the touch of Hades, you have been marked with three sixes attaching you to his soul... and for that I-- I-- I'm forced to let you go.. Go and wander into lands unknown, although I know where each land ends without a turning point, turning into the destruction of who I knew as the true and pure you.
I must say however, that i do not feel the slightest sympathy nor the faintest sign of compassion for you, but i do wish you the best of luck ... at falling on your face.. heart first. I bitterly speak as a means to to release your childish defeat of an honest me. I have you know that I am indeed writing with a vengeful pen, but by the end of this letter, perhaps I will have let you go and regain control of who I really am. I can no longer accept the truth spoken from future lips because you reveal yourself in each line with every word. I can no longer give, think, or love whole heartedly. I think of you faintly and suddenly the world stops spinning... freezing time as I happily yet relucntantly erase you from my life.
I must admit, I am insulted for having a juvenile mindset. I dared to think.... I had the audacity to hope... to hope that things would not happen eventhough i knew they would. Although, I was never too blind to see what has come of you because it was visible all along.... I do however, suppose I was too naive to believe that you were never who you put on display for me. I now see however, that the truth is indeed an ugly thing to see... especially when its spoken through the lips of such a beautiful liar.... and with that said...Goodbye.
P.S. By the way Miss.... Your poor lack of judgement is showing... Just thought you should know.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
STATE OF HIBERNATION (3.28.10)
I close my eyes
and run to a place only my heart can lead me
you knock on the doors of my mind and enter
meekly..
deeply...
into undiscovered lands of my soul and lyrically claim it as your own
you have done what others have only dreamed of doing
caress my soul's body
as it whispers " hold on and never let go"
shape and mold it
Boldly...
Run your fingers across my thighs of intellectual compromise
an i will succomb as u reach and breach my cerebral core
your words prance up and down my spine
fondling spots hidden to the human eyes
my intuition drips as you wrap your mind around my hips of knowledge
you consistently tap the ass of lessons i obtained from the classrooms of college
my body shiver shakes and tremble with each line
drawing me closer as my poetic passion over flows
you look into my eyes and enter even deeper
as we lay upon blank lines we write and spill our ink
inscribing a lifetime of understandings within our minds
I speak telepathically as you have left me speechless
you kiss me and I taste your tongue spiked with determination
it sedates me as i drift into a state of hibernation
But soon enough I'll awake and challenge you to put me into a coma without hesitation
and run to a place only my heart can lead me
you knock on the doors of my mind and enter
meekly..
deeply...
into undiscovered lands of my soul and lyrically claim it as your own
you have done what others have only dreamed of doing
caress my soul's body
as it whispers " hold on and never let go"
shape and mold it
Boldly...
Run your fingers across my thighs of intellectual compromise
an i will succomb as u reach and breach my cerebral core
your words prance up and down my spine
fondling spots hidden to the human eyes
my intuition drips as you wrap your mind around my hips of knowledge
you consistently tap the ass of lessons i obtained from the classrooms of college
my body shiver shakes and tremble with each line
drawing me closer as my poetic passion over flows
you look into my eyes and enter even deeper
as we lay upon blank lines we write and spill our ink
inscribing a lifetime of understandings within our minds
I speak telepathically as you have left me speechless
you kiss me and I taste your tongue spiked with determination
it sedates me as i drift into a state of hibernation
But soon enough I'll awake and challenge you to put me into a coma without hesitation
Saturday, March 6, 2010
WORD RAGE (3.6.10)
Is it a crime that I hold my tongue for no one? That I’d rather spill my intellects verbally releasing my thoughts in a fashionable way that is academically?
I expose my knowledges giving my acknowledgements to those who have fed me cerebrally……
as my brain leaks overwhelmingly I collect each drop and drink of it salaciously and it quenches my emaciated soul that is parched from the restricted lessons of the world that has yet to be told and taught- So I can gladly add it to my arsenal of thought and finally step out of this seclusion of thought that is based upon the asylum of my mind that I always seem to break out of each and every time-
And each and every time I always seem to unwind release and deliver the truth only to undergo a series of psychiatric reviews that has compelled me to restraint…. and I become the number one complaint for refusing compliancy and everything else that requires me to abandon the authentic me
Is it wrong that I refuse to get along? That I’d rather take the road they refuse and endure the labors of remaining true?
I take this path knowing in the end I will be the one who last and conquer the minds of a vast amount and give an account for each and every one-
And each and everyone will no longer succumb to the ways of which they knew but once again become wholesome and understand the truth that they are…..
Because you see my word rages are outrageous as they give birth to my souls abrupt persuasions….I am encouraged to stop, but telling me to stop is like telling me to go because I will never stop until I reach the top and let every body know
But the higher I climb- the top seems to be out of reach like the glass ceiling effect is taunting me -
And so I will take this sledgehammer of equal opportunity and smash the wretched ceiling into minuscule pieces and lead the way to a world in which everyone can manifest from the words they say and speak so as long as they derive it from their heart and tap into their soul and set forth a stream of emotions plated in gold and written in self ink on pages of individuality…….
I expose my knowledges giving my acknowledgements to those who have fed me cerebrally……
as my brain leaks overwhelmingly I collect each drop and drink of it salaciously and it quenches my emaciated soul that is parched from the restricted lessons of the world that has yet to be told and taught- So I can gladly add it to my arsenal of thought and finally step out of this seclusion of thought that is based upon the asylum of my mind that I always seem to break out of each and every time-
And each and every time I always seem to unwind release and deliver the truth only to undergo a series of psychiatric reviews that has compelled me to restraint…. and I become the number one complaint for refusing compliancy and everything else that requires me to abandon the authentic me
Is it wrong that I refuse to get along? That I’d rather take the road they refuse and endure the labors of remaining true?
I take this path knowing in the end I will be the one who last and conquer the minds of a vast amount and give an account for each and every one-
And each and everyone will no longer succumb to the ways of which they knew but once again become wholesome and understand the truth that they are…..
Because you see my word rages are outrageous as they give birth to my souls abrupt persuasions….I am encouraged to stop, but telling me to stop is like telling me to go because I will never stop until I reach the top and let every body know
But the higher I climb- the top seems to be out of reach like the glass ceiling effect is taunting me -
And so I will take this sledgehammer of equal opportunity and smash the wretched ceiling into minuscule pieces and lead the way to a world in which everyone can manifest from the words they say and speak so as long as they derive it from their heart and tap into their soul and set forth a stream of emotions plated in gold and written in self ink on pages of individuality…….
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
UNTITLED (1.17.10)
I stepped outside and pulled my jacket closer to me... it had to be every bit of 20 degrees
the night was golden frosted in cold... and yet I continued to stand alone...
I looked into the sky, which seemed to be just as lonely as I
I looked up in search of my last strand of hope... but tonight... the stars did not shimmer... they did not gleam... they stood still in silence as the wind bitterly chipped away at my skin
I wanted to talk to the moon... but I had no clue where to begin... Do I start with the beginning, or do I simply just skip to the end? I was hesitant for a while... frantically searching through my thoughts that were projected by the indifferences of my heart.... I could sense the moon growing impatient as my thoughts continued to bounce about in my mind... It wasn’t long before the moon decided to depart and retreat behind the clouds... and with each second that passed the night became loud creating a state of mayhem within me...
I grew agitated with the wind as it continued to bitterly and fiercely chip away at my skin... I hung my head low... gazing around at the ground beneath my feet... I thought to myself.. Is this really me? Is this really who I am? This person… this being who is slowly sinking into destruction as my world crumbles before me…….Everything that I have known… everything that I have worked for… is rapidly becoming no more… and I…I… I am breaking… I am falling… I…. am….. Failing
I could hear the grass inching upward towards me….. Grabbing at my feet…. I have grown tired of twisting and bending for others pleasures…. Jumping through hoops as if I were a circus freak….. The main attraction, center ring….. Running around in circles for the crowd while attached to a leash…… the grass grew taller as I just stood there planted to the ground, waiting to be submerged with soil of being through.. I prayed that the groundskeeper would not come and fertilize me, but instead let me wither in the winter as if I were a bad seed . Rotting like the forgotten trees of winter’s miseries
the night was golden frosted in cold... and yet I continued to stand alone...
I looked into the sky, which seemed to be just as lonely as I
I looked up in search of my last strand of hope... but tonight... the stars did not shimmer... they did not gleam... they stood still in silence as the wind bitterly chipped away at my skin
I wanted to talk to the moon... but I had no clue where to begin... Do I start with the beginning, or do I simply just skip to the end? I was hesitant for a while... frantically searching through my thoughts that were projected by the indifferences of my heart.... I could sense the moon growing impatient as my thoughts continued to bounce about in my mind... It wasn’t long before the moon decided to depart and retreat behind the clouds... and with each second that passed the night became loud creating a state of mayhem within me...
I grew agitated with the wind as it continued to bitterly and fiercely chip away at my skin... I hung my head low... gazing around at the ground beneath my feet... I thought to myself.. Is this really me? Is this really who I am? This person… this being who is slowly sinking into destruction as my world crumbles before me…….Everything that I have known… everything that I have worked for… is rapidly becoming no more… and I…I… I am breaking… I am falling… I…. am….. Failing
I could hear the grass inching upward towards me….. Grabbing at my feet…. I have grown tired of twisting and bending for others pleasures…. Jumping through hoops as if I were a circus freak….. The main attraction, center ring….. Running around in circles for the crowd while attached to a leash…… the grass grew taller as I just stood there planted to the ground, waiting to be submerged with soil of being through.. I prayed that the groundskeeper would not come and fertilize me, but instead let me wither in the winter as if I were a bad seed . Rotting like the forgotten trees of winter’s miseries
Monday, January 11, 2010
WHY SHOULD I... (11.20.08)
Why should I swallow my pride?
Because it bothers the person I sit beside?
You look
No you stare
No…….
You glare at me with your nose turned to the air
As if to faze me
But I refuse to run and hide in despair
So that’s a HA! To you
And an even more immense HA! To you
Your heartless persuasion and cynical ways
Aint shit to what I’ve endured during my days
You have made a juvenile attempt
To deplete me of every ounce of passion I have
Yet here I am
Laughing at your ass
So I ask you this
Why should I swallow my pride?
Because it bothers the person I walk beside?
You despise
No you abhor
No…..
You HATE what I can create myself to be
As if to deconstruct my being
But I refuse to fall victim to the Stereotypical ME
So that’s a HA! To you
And a massive HA! To you
You say someone of my nature will NEVER make it
You even go on to say how I’m a waste of life
And to your dismay I breathe extensively
You’ve made an effort to break me down
Yet here I stand
Making a spectacle of your ass
So again I ask you this
Why should I swallow my pride?
Because I refuse to be with the sex I was supposedly created to sleep beside?
You speculate
No you question
No……..
You demand that I don’t put a ring on her hand
Land of the free?
What does that mean?
If I cannot FREELY love she who contains the same characteristics as me
So I guess that’s supposed to be a HA! From you
And a bitch slap in the face from you
You’re founded on a constitution of equality
Yet you discriminate so openly
With your picket signs and ignorant rhymes
Yet she and I are committed
Morally killing your ass
So again I ask you this
Why should I swallow my pride?
Because of who I am and my refusal to hide?
You know
No you think
No…….
You swear on the universe that I’m wrong
As if your way is right
Searching for a reason to justify the means
But you just can’t find a way to diminish me
So that’s a HA! To you
And an even superior HA! To you
You hear me but you try so hard not listen
Because you say my opinion doesn’t matter
Hmmmm… But still I write…. And still you read
Now you’re pissed off because I have the authority to make you pay attention to me
So here I am
Still laughing at your ass
So I ask you this once more
Why
Should I
Swallow
My Pride?
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